Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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