why didn't you poke me back
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
