All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
