So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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