It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
