i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Drake has all the answers
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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