chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
