I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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