I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
