did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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