So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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