they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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