we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
