My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
not ubering you a puppy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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