you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize