Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
