I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just invented taco cereal.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
