This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
