You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
