If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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