I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
