Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
