Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
