How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
