ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Soap is not a condiment
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
