i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this just has baby written all over it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
