is your mom at the bar?
i barfeds in our rink
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
