Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
