last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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