My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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