God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there's paper in my vomit.
barbara walters just said penis...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
