I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
