I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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