So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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