Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
why do cheetos always look like penises
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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