after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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