i don't like sucking hair
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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