Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
