yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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