So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
false alarm, still single
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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