so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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