You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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