dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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