i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
