I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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