We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
