I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
