just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
