when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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