You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
