just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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