cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
