I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
