I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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