Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
