turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize