is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm really busy with my period
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