I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize