I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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