just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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