im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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