theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
