it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
