take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
