I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
