Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
