you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize