Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
