I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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