Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
