I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize