I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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